Do you often find yourself in situations where your child refuses to do homework just to go out and play, or talks back when you ask them to do something simple? In fact, children around the age of 7 are going through their second phase of rebellion, which typically manifests in the following ways:

1. Disobedience: The more parents forbid something, the more the child wants to try it

2. Arguing, being stubborn, and constantly contradicting parents

3. Lack of interest in schoolwork

Children at this stage are no longer as adorable as they were in early childhood; instead, they often drive us up the wall, have short tempers, and frequently engage in heated confrontations. But please remember: rebellion is not the child’s fault. Because children of this age have developed more independent thoughts and awareness, talking back is their way of practicing independent thinking and expressing themselves.

Here are several ways to handle a child’s backtalk:

Don’t restrict the child’s freedom; earn respect by showing respect

Core principle: Respect and understand the child’s thoughts, and avoid labeling them.

Specific steps:

  • Teach them through your actions that “respect is mutual”

Did you forget to bring the picture book you promised? Or look through their diary without asking? Stop these boundary-crossing behaviors immediately! How you treat them is how they will treat you.

Apologize sincerely when you forget something, and do your best to keep your promises. Your child will learn the true meaning of “respect” from your example.

  • Take off the “authority hat” and crouch down to listen to them

When your child argues with you, try crouching down to meet them at eye level. You could say, “You just said you didn’t want to practice the piano. Is there something difficult you’re facing?” Only when you’re willing to listen will they be willing to share their true feelings with you.

  • Use negotiation instead of coercion

When your child says, “I’m not doing my homework; I’m going out to play,” you can respond: “I understand you want to play. Let’s make a deal: finish the first two math problems, then go play for 10 minutes, and come back to finish the rest. Does that sound good to you?”

Listen carefully and don’t rush to interrupt. After expressing your concerns, work together to find a solution. When speaking, be sure to replace “you must” with “let’s try,” and “I demand” with “I understand.”

Guide Your Child’s Communication Style by Example

Core Principle: Don’t let your child’s frustration make you even more frustrated. Parents should lead by example and avoid communicating through yelling or forcing compliance. Doing so will only make rebellious behavior worse when your child enters their third rebellious phase (ages 12–15).

Specific Steps:

  • Use “Choose One of Two” Instead of Commands

When your child resists doing homework or chores, try saying: “Do you want to do it now, or in 10 minutes?”

If your child refuses to choose, say: “Then I’ll choose for you: start in 5 minutes. If you still haven’t started by then, we’ll lose tonight’s cartoon time.”

Clearly present two options—without forcing or compromising—and let your child face the consequences of procrastination.

  • Take a proactive break to create space for calm

When a conflict becomes intense, try saying: “You’re very upset. Let’s calm down and talk about this later.”

Pause any lecturing, give your child a quiet space, and agree on a 5–10-minute cooling-off period. Afterward, focus solely on the current issue.

  • Guide their communication style without rejecting their objections

When a child expresses disagreement with an arrangement in a rude manner, say: “You can disagree, but you can’t yell, curse, or be disrespectful.”

Speak firmly without getting drawn into their behavior. If the child continues to be disrespectful, pause the conversation; once things have calmed down, guide them to express themselves appropriately.

  • Distinguish Between “Loving the Child” and “Accepting Bad Behavior”

In all instances of defiance or disrespect—especially after a conflict escalates—say: “I love you, but speaking like that just now was wrong.”

Speak gently yet firmly, distinguishing between “loving the child” and “not accepting bad behavior,” to build a solid foundation for communication.

  • Focus on Your Own Feelings, Not Blame

When a child says hurtful things or acts disrespectfully, you can say: “That hurts my feelings. Please speak kindly.”

Focus on your own feelings rather than assigning blame. Give the child time to process, then guide them toward appropriate expression.

Parents are a child’s best teachers; a parent’s attitude toward the child determines the child’s attitude toward themselves. When we trust our children, they become more confident.

Please remember these three points:

1. Don’t label them: Rebellion isn’t the child’s fault.

2. Lead by example: Speak the way you want your child to speak.

3. Distinguish between love and behavior: “I love you, but I don’t have to approve of your behavior right now.”