After reading “A Widow for One Year”, my biggest feeling is heartbreak but warmth. This feeling is like a slow light, quietly shining into the corners of my heart that I usually don’t want to touch and dare not look deeply.
I finished reading this book on a long flight. At that time, there were continuous clouds and ever-changing sky outside the window. What I was holding in my hand was the story of a woman who was abandoned from the age of 4 and slowly learned to love in her 40s. I would like to emphasize here that the “hanging in the air” reading experience makes me realize more clearly that time is worth waiting patiently, and the pain of the past can be slowly digested after all.
Resilience in Solitude: From “Brokenness” to “Understanding”
The character that touched me the most was the protagonist Ruth. I found that she was abandoned by her mother when she was four years old. Although she grew up surrounded by Huaxin’s father’s so-called love, she was extremely insecure. But what impressed me most was that she never put her sense of security on others, but relied on her own self-discipline, keen observation and independent thinking to shape her own resilience little by little. She also had a time when she was in a mess. She loved someone who didn’t deserve it. She was betrayed by her best friend and her father. She also experienced the pain of losing her husband until she became a mother. The moment she hugged her child, I think she finally understood her mother’s departure that year. This kind of understanding is not forgiveness, but really understands the helplessness of the other party.
Ruth made me see clearly that a person can be injured or healed imperfectly. I want to emphasize here that her strength is not that she never collapses, but that even if she collapses, she can pick herself up again and continue to move forward.
Based on the experiences of all the characters in the book, I summarize the core themes of this book into two. First, “Live alone is a necessary mourning period”. I found that Marion has lived alone for 37 years, Ruth has lived alone for 1 year, and Eddie has also lived alone for 37 years… They are all slowly saying goodbye to what they have lost in their lives at their own pace. Most modern people are too afraid of being alone. They always feel that a person is failure and loneliness, but this book makes me understand that taking the initiative to choose to be alone is a medicine to heal pain, not a disease that needs to be escaped.
The second is “Time will not make the pain disappear, but it will make you learn to coexist with it”. I would like to emphasize here that there is no amnesia-like healing in the book, and there is no bloody forgiveness bridge. Marion finally returned to the old house, and Ruth finally called her Mom. The pain still exists, but it is no longer a sting, but a scar that can be gently touched, which has become a part of life.
Real-life Reflection: Loneliness is Not a “Epidemic”
If we use this book to respond to the current lonely epidemic, I want to say that what we lack is never companionship, but the courage to be alone. I observed that everyone in the book is slowly waiting for time to settle down, waiting for a worthy person, waiting for themselves to really figure it out. They will never rush to fill every second of the gap with ineffective socializing, blind consumption or short videos. In today’s fast-paced society, I think this ability to slow down and get along with yourself is almost a luxury.
The three most unforgettable sentences in the book:
“Don’t cry, honey. It’s no big deal. This kind of thing happens often.”
“Memory is a way to meet each other. Forgetting is a free way.”
“Waiting is not doing nothing. Waiting is the most difficult action.”
When I read the sentence “memory is a way to meet”, I suddenly became less afraid of losing people. I think that every time I think of it, it is a reunion. This kind of thought is not indulging in the past, but that they continue to live in my life in another way.
In fact,A Widow for One Year is not a comfortable book to read. I found that it was a little long and nagging. There were plots that made me frown, and there were also golden sentences that made my nose sore and broke my defense in an instant. But I think if you are willing to open it on a plane, train, or any quiet moment where you can’t escape, it will tell you: time will eventually give you the answer. If there is no answer for the time being, it’s just that it’s not time to reveal it.
