Will you be like this? When your friends feel helpless because of a heartbreak, you don’t know what to say. You watch them struggling in the emotional whirlpool. You want to comfort them but don’t know how to open their mouths. Or, maybe you are deeply anxious because of the pressure of work, and the people around you have no way to help you, but make you feel more lonely and helpless. This situation often makes us confused: what should we say to people who are in emotional vortex to really help them get out?

In order to make you no longer distressed when you encounter this kind of thing next time, I have summarized 3 simple but effective suggestions, hoping to help you.

Method 1 Listen and express sympathy

Effective listening is the first step to help others get out of the emotional vortex. In many cases, depressed people don’t need us to give answers or solutions immediately. What they need is someone they can confide in and listen to them sincerely.

1. Give the other party space

If you find that your friend is in a bad mood, give them space first and guide them to talk. Sometimes, just letting them express their emotions can relieve a lot of stress. You can say, “I can feel that you are having a hard time now. Do you want to talk?” Or, “What’s wrong with you? Tell me.”

2. Respond in an sympathetic tone

The other party said, “I really can’t do it. Everything is piled up.” You can say, “It makes people collapse. I can understand your helplessness. It feels like everything is out of control.” Responding with such a gentle tone not only makes the other party feel your understanding, but also makes them feel that they are not alone with everything.

Remember to avoid proposing a solution or persuading them to cheer up immediately when the other party is emotional. At this time, “I know you are sad now” instead of “you shouldn’t think so” will make the other party feel more understood.

Method 2 Avoid criticism or too many suggestions

When friends are in a mood, many people often want to give a lot of advice or instructions out of good intentions, so that the other party can get out of the depressed mood as soon as possible. However, this behavior is often counterproductive and may make the other party feel that they are being denied or ignored.

1. Don’t say “don’t think so”

Many times, the other party just needs an outlet to vent, and forcibly interrupting their emotions will make them feel misunderstood. So when they express their feelings, try not to say “don’t think so”, but say “I can understand how you feel now. I know it’s not easy for you.”

2. Ask more open questions

Don’t give simple advice. It’s better to ask them: “Do you think there is any way to make you feel more comfortable now?” Or, “Have you ever thought of anything that can make you feel a little better?” This kind of question is not to give answers, but to give the other party space to explore himself.

It should be noted that we should respect the other party’s emotions, instead of rushing to “repair” the other party. Everyone’s healing process is unique, and we can’t solve their emotional problems in a standard way.

Method 3 Provide specific support

When a friend is emotionally troubled, in addition to verbal comfort, more often than not, specific action support will be more meaningful than any words. You don’t have to try to solve their problems, but you can express your concern and support through some practical actions.

1. Propose practical help

Try this. “I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure recently. Do you want me to cook for you?” Or “Do you want me to do that for you? I can help you share it.” Sometimes, doing something specific is much more practical than the empty “I can understand”.

2. Let’s do some relaxing activities together

If your friend likes certain activities, such as watching movies, walking or doing handicrafts, you can invite him to do it together instead of simply asking him “do you need help”. For example, “Hey, why don’t we go for a walk and breathe fresh air together?” After all, companionship is more important than anything else.

Remember that when providing support, it should be adjusted according to the needs of the other party. If they want to be alone for a while, respect their space. If they need company, they can take the initiative to help.

Well, next time your friend is sad, keep these three methods in mind:

  • Listen first. You think it’s enough to hear the other party.
  • Hold back your advice and change it to “I’m listening”
  • Do something, even if it’s just for ten minutes.

Sometimes, a person can get out of the trough not because you helped him solve the problem, but because you didn’t run away when he broke down.