Have you ever had such a moment? Obviously, he is a very close person, but suddenly he can’t understand his behavior; he obviously puts his heart and lungs, but he is always misunderstood; sometimes, even sometimes, he can’t even figure out why he is inexplicably irritable, escaping, and competing for strength and winning. We always complain that “people’s hearts are complicated” and always struggle with “what he is thinking”, but we have never really calmed down to understand the underlying logic of human nature.
Until I opened the book Understanding Human Nature, I found that all the confusion and puzzlement could be found in it – it turned out that people’s hearts are never complicated, but we didn’t understand the motive behind it.
Core truth: All behaviors hide unspeakable pursuits
There are no obscure technical terms or theories in this book. The author is like an experienced old friend, using real and common stories to clearly understand the essence of human nature. There are no people who deliberately create perfect characters in the book. They are all ordinary people who can be seen everywhere around us:
There are office workers who work hard but are always afraid of being denied. He works overtime every day until the latest, but he can’t sleeps all night after the leader says “it’s okay” – he doesn’t want to be strong, he’s just afraid to go back to the corner where his parents said “you can’t do it” when he was a child. There are managers who seem to be strong but actually have low self-esteem. He always sits in the main seat at the meeting. He turns his face to anyone who raises an objection. But when you read it, you will find that he has been humiliated in public when he was young, and since then he has never dared to let others see his weakness. There are also ordinary people who are used to please others but lose themselves. They smile at everyone and never refuse any request. It was not until one day that they were so tired that they broke down and cried that they knew that they had been “needed” to confirm that they were worthy of love.
The daily scenes of these characters can always make you instantly substitute, and you can’t help stopping and thinking, “Isn’t this me and the people around me?” It turns out that there is the same thing behind the vanity, escape, control and flattery that we can’t understand – the desire for superiority, value and belonging. It’s just that everyone’s way of expression is different. Some people use attack, some people use retreat, some people use smiles, but some people use tears.
Deep understanding: Understanding human nature is the beginning of reconciliation
The process of reading this book is more like a self-redemption. Halfway through reading, I felt very uncomfortable, because too many places seemed to be talking about me. In the past, I always liked to judge a person by “good and bad” and “right and wrong” – when I saw my colleagues who liked to show off, I felt that he was superficial; when I saw my friends always avoided problems, I felt that he was cowardly; when I saw that I occasionally had low self-esteem and cared about other people’s opinions, I would scold myself in my heart, “Why are you so bad?”
But the most gentle thing about Adler is that he never blames. He just gently told you that character is never innate, and those seemingly unreasonable behaviors have their own way of coming. Just like someone who lacks love since childhood, when he grows up, he will desperately find a sense of belonging by pleasing others. He dare not refuse, because refusal means that he may be abandoned; some people have been denied since childhood, and when they grow up, they will disguise themselves with strength and preemptively belittle others, just to get a trace of pitiful security; there are also people who have experienced in childhood There are too many comparisons. I have lived in the shadow of “I am not as good as others” in my life, so I care so much about winning or losing, and so afraid of being looked down on.
As I read, I found that the thorn in my heart slowly softened. I no longer feel that I hate that face-loving colleague, but I feel a little sorry for him; I no longer get angry because of my partner’s cold words, because I heard the fear hidden under that sentence. The most precious value of this book is not to teach us how to trick and control others, but to let us learn to accept our own imperfections and understand the last resort of others. One less complaint, one more tolerance; one less confusion, one more sobriety. It turns out that understanding human nature is never to change others, but to let go of oneself.
Two-way running: Only by understanding human nature can we live a good life
Each of us is trying to understand others, and we are also trying to be understood by others. We are eager to be understood and recognized, to have harmonious interpersonal relationships, and to reconcile with ourselves. But many times we find the wrong direction. We always want to change others, but we forget to understand others first. We always want to pursue perfection, but forget to accept our imperfections. We always fight for right and wrong in a relationship and talk about winning or losing, but we don’t know that the other party just wants to be seen and affirmed.
The book Understanding Human Nature builds a bridge between you and the world. On one side of the bridge is yourself, those unspeakable grievances, those inexplicable emotions, those problems that you have always hated but can’t change. This book will help you sort them out one by one. On the other side of the bridge is everyone, your controlling mother, who may be a colleague who always complains, or a cold and hot partner. This book teaches you to see the world with their eyes. You will find that they are not targeting you. They are just living in their own way.
To understand human nature is to look at yourself and others from a more objective and gentle perspective. Master the underlying logic of getting along, so that emotions will no longer kidnap you, and misunderstandings will no longer consume you. Whether you are struggling in the workplace, confused in interpersonal relationships, or unable to extricate yourself from self-consumption, this book can give you strength and inspiration.
Turn it over, and you will find that people’s hearts are not difficult to understand, and reconciliation is easy. In the process of understanding human nature, we can all become more transparent and comfortable ourselves.
