Have you ever met a “perfect” person? At the beginning, they were very good to you, making you feel that you were spoiled and treated specially. Will you think, “Wow, this person is so good. Am I really so lucky?” But as time goes by, you find that there seems to be something wrong behind this kind of person. You began to question yourself: Am I too sensitive? In fact, this is a kind of manipulation. In intimate relationships, some people will use very hidden psychological manipulation skills to control others, which is difficult to detect.
If you can learn to identify the following seven common control methods, you can effectively protect yourself and avoid falling into traps carefully designed by others.
I. The bombardment of charm and love
This manipulation usually occurs at the beginning of your relationship with someone, especially in an intimate relationship, where the manipulator will quickly win your favor through frequent means. This kind of “love bombing” can make you quickly feel dependent and emotionally engaged.
Common manifestations:
For example, when you first meet someone, they begin to send you messages, greet you, and even give you small gifts every day. Every time you see their news, a warmth surges in my heart, and I feel that I am valued and cherished. If you are a person who likes to be praised, they will also constantly praise you for how special and different you are, making you feel that you are almost perfect in their eyes.
II. False loopholes
Manipulators gain sympathy by sharing the “traumatic stories” they have encountered. They will claim that they have a strong sense of empathy, especially the desire to protect women, making you feel that they are the one who will never hurt you.
Common manifestations:
You may have met such people who tell you about the pain they have experienced since childhood, such as the lack of understanding of parents, domestic violence, and the loneliness formed by these experiences. Sometimes they will say affectionately, “I have never met anyone who truly loves me.” At this time, they may further show strong empathy and be willing to “protect” you emotionally.
III. Protective personality
The manipulator will show that he is the guardian of justice, especially by emphasizing his responsibility to protect the weak. They shape their strong and morally upright image by emphasizing their concern for the safety of others.
Common manifestations:
For example, in daily life, they may say, “I won’t allow anyone to hurt you. If anyone dares to hurt you, I will make them pay the price.” This kind of speech seems to protect you, but it also strengthens their control over your emotions, and even implies that you cannot cope with the challenges of the outside world independently. They may also hint at their violent ability from time to time to show their strength instead of directly threatening you.
IV. Reflection and idealization
The manipulator will give you a feeling of “this person understands me” by perfectly reflecting the values and emotional needs you want, and quickly establish an emotional connection with you.
Common manifestations:
For example, you may reveal your ideals for love in a chat and talk about your desire to have a partner who can “understand you, support you and respect you”. The man responded almost immediately: “I completely understand you, and I agree with every word you say.” They may also add, “I have always believed that love should be between two people supporting each other and growing together.” They accurately captured your deepest emotional needs and gave you a feeling of being “deeply understood”.
V. Gradual upgrade
The manipulator will gradually introduce jealousy, criticism and other subtle means of manipulation. This gradual upgrade makes it difficult for you to detect changes in behavior, so that you lose control of emotions unconsciously.
Common manifestations:
As the relationship deepens, the manipulator begins to express dissatisfaction with your friends or family from time to time, and even criticize some of your behaviors. For example, they may say, “Why are you always with your friends? I think you should accompany me more. As time goes by, they will gradually provoke some small quarrels, and even begin to question your investment in them inadvertently.
VI. Independent control
The manipulator will try to keep you at a distance from your friends, family or other people who may detect the manipulation. They will gradually control your contact with social support and begin to make you depend on them, thus further strengthening your emotional control.
Common manifestations:
You may find that someone is increasingly asking you to have less contact with your friends, or begin to question your friends’ opinions, and even make you feel uncomfortable when you get together with your family and deliberately reduce your interaction with the outside world. For example, when you and your friends plan to have a party, they may say, “Do you really need to go? I think it’s good for the two of us to be together tonight.
VII. Deception and control
The manipulator may deny the reality and even distort the facts, making you doubt your memories and feelings. They will blame the problem or conflict on you, use emotional manipulation to maintain control, and pretend to be full of love.
Common manifestations:
If you point out the problems with some of their behaviors, they may deny that they are wrong and in turn make you feel that you are overreacting. For example, when you complain that they dominate your life too much, they may say, “I didn’t do anything. Why are you so excited? Are you thinking too much?” It may even make you feel that you are a suspicious person and doubt your feelings.
These control methods are all covered with the guise of “love”, so that you can hand over your boundaries, judgments, friends, and finally yourself at the most relaxed time.
Then how to prevent it? Remember the three iron rules:
Slow down, believe the feeling, and leave a way out.
If this article reminds you of someone or an experience, don’t be afraid. Realizing the problem is already the most important step to come out. For the rest, you can take your time.
