Have you ever quarreled with your closest friend and finally estranged, or doubted yourself because of a failed love affair? After a long time, you think the wound has healed, but when a similar name and a joke appear, the inner trauma is reawakened. At this time, you realize that you have not fully recovered from these traumas.

The healing of trauma is generally a process of gradual repair, especially when it comes to psychological trauma, there will usually be a period of time when you don’t know whether you are really getting better and don’t care about it. So, how can we know that we have recovered from the trauma?

Next, I have summarized three healing signs to help you judge whether you have recovered from trauma and better towards self-healing.

You are reflecting on yourself

The first step of trauma healing is to stop numbing yourself and avoiding feelings. In the past, trauma may make you not want to face your emotions, or you always shift the responsibility to the outside world. However, when you start to spend time thinking about your behavior, emotions and reactions, it shows that you are bravely facing yourself and entering the process of healing.

A small way to practice self-reflection ability:

  • Leave 5 minutes every day to check yourself quietly.

You can find a corner where no one is disturbed and put down your mobile phone. You don’t need too much explanation, just say your current emotion. For example, “I’m anxious now”, “I’m a little sad today”, “He’s so annoying, I don’t like him”, don’t worry about the source of emotions, let yourself feel it first.

  • Try to practice writing a diary.

Take 3 minutes before going to bed every day. You’d better write down a simple moment that triggers your emotions, and then ask yourself two questions: What made me react a lot today? Which moment in the past may be related to this strong emotion?

  • Pay attention to the habit of avoiding.

When you find that you can’t help browsing your mobile phone until late at night, or always want to please others, or face something that you dare not refuse, stop and ask yourself: Am I running away from something now? What is the feeling I don’t want to face? Then find the answer to the question clearly.

You are taking responsibility

In many cases, trauma is actually a “false sense of guilt”, which makes you mistakenly think that the harm of others is caused by yourself, and takes all the mistakes of others on yourself. And healing is to learn to draw boundaries: you should be responsible for your own choices, but you never have to pay for other people’s behavior.

A small way to practice the ability to take responsibility:

  • Make a list of responsibilities.

Find a piece of paper, divide it into two columns, and write “what I should be responsible for” on the left, such as “I chose to stay in a relationship that consumes myself” and “I didn’t set boundaries for myself in time”; on the right, write “it’s not my fault”, such as “the leader’s anger and blame” and “his problem that he chose to hurt me”. Update once a week to slowly sort out the boundaries of your responsibilities.

  • Capture the idea of “self-blame”.

When you think “it’s all my fault” and “why am I so useless”, stop immediately and ask yourself two questions: Is this really my responsibility? Am I paying for other people’s mistakes?

  • Meditate on the slogan.

After getting up every morning, I said to the mirror, “I don’t have to be responsible for other people’s choices and pain. I just need to be responsible for my own life.” Slowly engrave this sentence in your heart and get rid of the false guilt.

You are practicing self-sympathy

Trauma will leave a mean voice in your heart, which will accuse you and deny you – “You are so useless”, “You are too fragile”, “I can’t do this little thing well”. And self-compassion is to turn off this annoying voice, so that you can treat yourself gently in the face of failure or difficulties, instead of being too harsh.

A small way to practice self-sympathy:

  • Treat yourself as a friend.

Whenever you want to criticize yourself, ask yourself: If my good friend had the same thing, would I have said such mean words to him? If not, change those mean words to gentle and encouraging expressions to tell yourself.

  • Write a letter to yourself.

Write a regular letter about your recent pain and grievances, and then write about your strength and hard work, telling yourself: “You have done a good job, and you deserve to be treated gently.” You’d better write it once every half a month and slowly learn to accept yourself.

  • Physical comfort.

When you feel sad and painful, gently put your hand on your chest, or give yourself a hug to feel the temperature of your body – this simple action can trigger the brain’s “sense of security reaction” and slowly calm down the meanness and anxiety in your heart.

So, how do you know that you are healing from the trauma?

Three signals, one answer: You can see your old pattern, you no longer blame yourself for others’ faults, and the way you talk to yourself begins to become gentle.

If you have a match, you are on the way to self-healing.

If there are two matching, it means that you have walked a long way on this road.

If all three are met, you may be much stronger than you think.