You are good to a colleague with all your heart and are willing to help him with anything, but he always puts you behind your back, steals your credit, and pretends to be innocent; you sincerely get along with a friend, but he always likes to suppress you. When you have a good time, he is yin and yang, and he gloats when you encounter difficulties; a certain leader The director is always praising you as “the most potential”, but it’s never your turn to get a promotion and salary increase, and you always feel that you don’t work hard enough. If you have encountered these situations, it is likely that you are not unlucky, but that you have encountered a dark personality.

Today, I have summarized the following four types of dark psychology to help you identify and protect yourself at a glance.

I. Mental state

The core characteristics of psychosis are emotional loss and impulse control disorder. Such people can imitate emotions, such as crying and saying sweet words in front of you, but they are all performed after observation. What they are best at is to drag you into the emotional roller coaster, or he creates problems, and then makes you feel that the problem is with you.

Common situations:

For example, you have a new boyfriend, and the first three months are perfect. He has good morning and good night every day. He remembers every little thing you mentioned. Which milk tea you said you wanted to drink? He will buy it and deliver it downstairs to your company the next day. For example, one day you worked overtime until late and really didn’t have the energy to chat with him. I replied to him a message: “I’m too tired today. I’ll go to bed first. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Psychopaths are likely to change their faces immediately: either cold and violent, or attack you, “I’m so good to you, and you treat me like this?” Are you with someone else now?”

At this time, you can immediately say, “I understand your feelings, but I need time to rest now and can’t continue talking.” This kind of words not only clearly expresses your needs, but also makes the other party know your boundaries clearly and avoid being pulled by their emotional roller coaster.

II. Narcissism

The core characteristics of narcissists are excessive self-centeredness and lack of empathetic ability. Your value is not who you are, but whether you can continue to praise him, praise him, and surround him. The best thing a narcissist is to hold you up to the sky first, and then step on you into the mud, so that you can always chase his approval.

Common situations:

For example, you have a friend who talks about herself every time we meet. I’ve been promoted recently. “I bought a new bag.” “What did my boyfriend buy for me?” You try to say, “I’ve been quite busy recently.” She will say “um” and immediately pull the topic back to herself: “Do you know how busy I am? I worked overtill for three days in a row…” Or, your boyfriend always praises you in front of outsiders that “my girlfriend is awesome”, and you are very happy to hear it. But when I got home and closed the door, he would say, “It’s too rustic to wear that dress today” and “You talk too loudly, which makes me very disgraceful”. You began to doubt yourself. He obviously praised me so much outside. Am I really not good enough?

In this situation, you should say calmly, “I’m happy that you praise me outside, but I feel uncomfortable when you criticize me in private. If there is any problem, we can communicate frankly. This kind of words can express your dissatisfaction and strongly point out that the other party’s behavior is unacceptable.

III. Machiavellianism

The characteristics of Machiavellianism can be summarized in one sentence: the purpose is always righteous, and the means are always despicable. This kind of person regards morality as a tool. He will tell you that “we are a family”, “I am for your good” and “only you can help me in this matter”, and then let you do things for him willingly.

Common situations:

For example, every time your leader asks you to do extra work, he has a set of fixed words: “This project is very important. I don’t feel at ease, so I can trust you.” You do a good job. I will be the first to recommend you at the end of the year. When you finish your work and evaluate the excellence at the end of the year, what will he say? Oh, this year’s quota is too tight. You all know your ability. It must be you next year. You thought, “It’s a pity, just a little short”, so you worked harder in the next year. As a result, in the third and fourth years, it was still “a little short”.

If you have the same dilemma, you can say directly: “I attach great importance to our cooperation, but I also hope to have a clear understanding of the specific arrangements and my actual gains before doing things.” This direct and polite expression not only makes the other party realize that you do not accept everything foolishly, but also protects you from being used by others.

IV. Abuse

The core of sadistic behavior is to get pleasure from the pain of others. The abuser takes the initiative to pursue harm and feeds on your pain. When he sees you cry, he will laugh; when he sees you collapse, he will get excited. If you say “I don’t like this”, he will say it more frequently.

Common situations:

For example, a colleague in your office likes to do something in public “jokingly expose your shortcomings”. When you get fat, he says, “The food is good recently”; if your plan doesn’t pass, he says, “I just say, young people are still too tender”; when you fall in love, he says, “I have long felt that your partner doesn’t like you”. You got angry and said, “Just kidding, you’re too glass-hearted.” If you put up with it, he will get worse next time.

At this time, you should say decisively, “I don’t like this kind of joke. Please respect me.” This clear and calm response can not only make the other party realize that his behavior has crossed the limit, but also avoids himself from falling into long-term emotional consumption.

After reading these four types, you may have begun to sit down in your mind.

These four people have one thing in common. They are all good at making you feel “not good enough”. But look at the truth behind them:

  • Psychopaths won’t love anyone.
  • Narcissistic people need you to be “not good enough” to prove that you are “good enough”.
  • Machiavellians use your trust as a tool.
  • People with abusive behavior need your sensitivity to feed themselves.

So, you are not good enough. It’s their problem. After reading this article, I hope you can quickly identify these dark heart types in the future and protect yourself in time. Protect yourself. Your kindness is worth leaving to the right one.