How to stop being a people pleaser at work in 5 steps

When you are in a meeting, you obviously have a more efficient plan, but you can see that everyone agrees with the leader’s ideas, and the words are swallowed back, for fear that your opinion will make the leader unhappy and make your colleagues think that you like to be in the lime. Or, when your own work burden is already heavy, you still promise your colleagues to complete the task, just to avoid conflicts and don’t want to be “uneasy to get along with”. If you also have this situation, you may be in the dilemma of “pleasing others”. So, how can we get rid of this habit at work and be our true self?

Today, I will share a five-step method to make you stop pleasing others at work and become more confident and sincere.

Step 1: Real-time observation mode

You should pay attention to the “flattering” pattern that is happening in your workplace. Usually, this behavior is unconscious and will manifest as an automatic reaction. For example, if you immediately agree to your colleague’s request without thinking, you may also have a sense of tension such as sore shoulders and tight chest.

• Scenario presentation:

During the meeting, the leader mentioned that he needed your help to complete an urgent task. Although you had a lot of things to do, you agreed immediately without thinking about it. At this time, you might as well pause for a moment and pay attention to your reaction: “Why did I agree so quickly? Is it because I don’t want to disappoint the leader?”

Note that this step does not require you to make changes immediately, but to be aware of your habits and reactions first. Through this observation, you will more consciously choose how to act in the future, instead of unconsciously continuing to cater.

Step 2: Say what you think

Once you are aware of your reaction, try to express the feelings and thoughts you are experiencing in simple language. This can not only help you distance yourself from “please” behavior, but also give you a clearer understanding of your emotions.

• Scenario presentation:

For example, if you find yourself again involuntarily agreeing to your colleague’s request, you can ask yourself: “Why do I always agree so quickly? Are you afraid of rejecting others?” Or, “I’m worried that if I refuse, I will disappoint him.” Through this self-dialogue, you can see the motivation behind it more clearly and realize that this is a habitual reaction, not a behavior that must be followed.

Pay attention, don’t be in a hurry to change your behavior. The key is to give yourself some space to observe and think. By verbalizing these ideas, you can see your inner conflicts and feelings more clearly, instead of blindly following the flow.

Step 3: Make a choice according to your values

After completing the first two steps, ask yourself a deeper question: “What would I do if I made a decision based on my values, not fear or guilt?” The core of this stage is to choose a way to deal with it that can reflect your true inner value.

• Scenario presentation:

You can ask yourself: “In this case, what will a person who wants to develop in the long term do?” Or “As a person who is honest and respects his time, how should I choose?” These questions help you jump out of emotions and let reason and self-respect be the basis of your decision.

Note that the key here is to clarify your core values. Everyone’s values are different, so when making decisions, you must be based on your own standards, not influenced by external pressure.

Step 4: Practice setting clear boundaries

Setting boundaries is not necessarily a drastic change, but can be practiced from small measures. When you realize that you frequently promise others, try to set some small boundaries in your daily work.

• Scenario presentation:

For example, “I already have some tasks today, and I may not be able to add any more tasks, but I can help tomorrow.” Or, “I’m willing to help you, but I need to finish the work at hand first.”, gradually practice learning to say “no” and maintain self-confidence.

Pay attention to be gradual here to avoid expecting too much from yourself at the beginning. Small adjustments are often more effective than making major changes suddenly. Gradually establish your own sense of boundaries, so as not to feel guilty or anxious.

Step 5: Be prepared to deal with discomfort

Even if you take the above steps, you may feel uncomfortable at first. This is because changing long-term habits always brings some discomfort. But this discomfort does not mean that you have done anything wrong. It just means that you are stepping out of your comfort zone and starting to try new ways.

• Scenario presentation:

When you reject a colleague’s request for the first time, you may feel uneasy and even worry that they will have a problem with you. Don’t worry, the discomfort at the beginning is very normal. The key is to tell yourself: this is a process of self-growth, and I am fighting for more space and respect for myself.

Note that discomfort is not the same as mistake. It is an inevitable part of any new change. Try to accept it and give yourself time to adapt. As time goes by, you will become more and more relaxed and confident.

I think you should understand:

The meaning of work is to realize one’s own value and make money to support oneself, not to please others.

From today on, don’t deliberately cater to anyone, don’t wrong yourself, do your own thing, and keep your boundaries. You will find that if you don’t please others, you can live a more relaxed, more comfortable and confident life.

May you say goodbye to the flattering internal consumption in the workplace from now on, neither humble nor arrogant, not in a hurry, keep your boundaries at work, realize your own value, and live as you like~