People always talk about how having boundaries is really important in a relationship, but they don’t really talk about what healthy boundaries actually look like. Here are four examples of really healthy boundaries to have in a relationship—any healthy relationship I’ve ever seen has always had these four.
1. Boundaries Around Alone Time
You always want to encourage and completely allow alone time. It’s very easy for couples to get too mashed and spend too much time together. Healthy relationships always have enough space for alone time. When you lose that individual space, you also start to lose parts of yourself—your own hobbies, your own friendships, your own sense of identity. Healthy relationships always have enough creative space for alone time, because distance can actually make the time you spend together more meaningful.
2. Boundaries Around Communicating During a Disagreement
This always includes no yelling, no name-calling, nothing that’s disrespectful. You’re able to communicate and let your feelings out, but it’s within a boundary—within an area where you can’t go outside of it and become disrespectful. Disagreements are normal, but how you handle them determines the health of the relationship. You can be angry without being cruel. You can be frustrated without attacking the other person’s character. That’s what healthy communication looks like.
3. Boundaries Around Social Media
Just talk about what’s okay and not okay to post. Even if you only talk about it one time, at least you’ve had the conversation. There are a lot of couples that don’t do this, and it can create weird feelings, fights, or disagreements. So it’s better to just have that talk upfront—that way, you understand where the actual lines are. What’s private? What’s okay to share? What might make your partner uncomfortable? These conversations prevent a lot of unnecessary conflict down the road.
4. Boundaries Around Social Settings
This is about when you’re out with friends or family. What’s okay? What’s acceptable? How do we want to be when it comes to friends and family? Do we need to check in with each other? In terms of allowing people over to the house or going to parties, there needs to be some level of communication between you two around social settings. It’s not about control—it’s about mutual respect and making sure you’re both on the same page.
Why These Conversations Matter
It all comes down to communication. You two are the ones who decide what’s okay and what’s not okay, and the only way you do that is by talking about it and figuring out what works for you. These should be really easy conversations to have—this shouldn’t be a crazy anxious, worked up type of thing. In the best, healthiest relationships, you’re always able to have these conversations, or even make changes to them in the future, at a really easygoing pace. It shouldn’t give you that gut-wrenching feeling.
