Why won’t my kids come to me with their problems? Because you tell all their business. That’s why.
Every time your child gets in trouble, you get on the phone and tell everybody what your child did. The whole world didn’t need to know your son got suspended from school. The whole world didn’t need to know your daughter’s bad at math.
How It Feels for Your Child
Think about it. People come up to them in public places—at church, at the store, at family gatherings—and say things like, “What’s up with you at school?” or “Why can’t you pass math?” None of that is anyone else’s business. But because you shared it, now everyone knows.
How would you feel if your kids did that to you? How would you feel if your son was going around telling people about your personal life, your struggles, your mistakes? You’d be ready to get angry, wouldn’t you? Because you believe what goes on in your house stays in your house. Why don’t those same rules apply to your children?
Why They Stop Coming to You
Why would they come to you with something they’re struggling with when you broadcast everything they do wrong to the public? They’ve learned that sharing with you means everyone else will know too. They can’t trust you with their private struggles. And without trust, there is no open communication.
What to Do Instead
If you want your kids to come to you, keep their confidences. Don’t broadcast their mistakes. Don’t tell the whole family, the neighbors, or your friends. When they share something vulnerable with you, treat it as sacred. That’s how you build trust. That’s how they know you’re a safe person to talk to.
