I sat in a meeting last Tuesday and watched a senior manager deliberately exclude a new hire from a discussion about her own project. He turned his chair away from her. He answered questions addressed to her. When she spoke, he checked his phone. I felt my stomach tighten. The petty stuff. The “know your place” dance. I have been on the receiving end of it, and I have watched friends crumble under it. It makes you wonder what goes on inside a person to make them act that way.
Quick Reality Check Today
- Recognize that the game is about them, not you.
- Name the behavior silently for yourself.
- Document everything with dates and times.
- Stay professional and do not retaliate.
- Know when the environment is toxic enough to leave.
What Drives a Person to Play Power Games?
I once worked with someone who would hold information hostage. She would smile and say she forgot to loop me in. She never forgot. It was a message. It said, “I control your access.”
The most common explanation I hear is insecurity. That is true, but it feels too simple. So I started paying attention to the patterns behind the behavior. A few things stood out.
The Fear of Being Irrelevant
Some people live in constant fear of being forgotten. They do not have a strong sense of self outside of their job title. When a competent new person arrives, it threatens their position. They do not think, “Great, we can share the load.” They think, “This person will make me look bad.”
So they play games. They downplay your achievements. They whisper to the boss about your “approach.” They make you second-guess reality. It is not about you. It is about their internal panic. They are drowning, and they are trying to grab onto anything to stay afloat, even if it means pulling you under.
The Scarcity Mindset
Some workplaces are structured like a pie-eating contest where the prize is a tiny slice. There is only one promotion. Only one “star” slot. When resources feel scarce, people get tribal. They stop seeing colleagues as allies and start seeing them as rivals.
I remember reading about a warehouse worker whose management pitted everyone against each other. Shift against shift. Person against person. The pressure was so intense that he had to play the game just to survive. He did not want to. He felt he had no choice. That is the tragedy of it. The system creates the monster, and then we blame the individual.
The Cycle of Hurt
People who were bullied often become bullies themselves. It is a cycle. Someone gets humiliated in their first job. They vow never to feel that way again. The problem is, they do not learn to build themselves up. They learn to tear others down.
You start as the underdog. You feel powerless. Then you get a taste of control, and you become the tyrant. You believe you are the good guy. You justify your actions because you are “protecting” your position or your team. But you are just repeating the same harmful pattern that hurt you in the first place.
How Do Power Games Show Up in Everyday Work?
What does it actually look like? It is rarely a dramatic showdown. It is usually death by a thousand paper cuts. Here are some of the common patterns I have seen.
- The Information Hoarder: This person withholds crucial data until the last minute, making you look unprepared.
- The Meeting Hijacker: They repeat your idea in different words and take credit for it.
- The Silent Treatment: They stop responding to your messages or go cold in person to make you feel unsettled.
- The Nitpicker: They focus on tiny formatting errors in your work to distract from the fact that your core output is excellent.
- The “Concerned” Colleague: They go to your boss with “concerns” about your wellbeing, which is really a way to plant a seed of doubt about your competence.
Does any of this sound familiar? It is exhausting. You spend your energy decoding their behavior instead of doing your job. You start to wonder if you are the problem. That is the goal, by the way. The game is designed to make you question yourself.
What Actually Works When You Deal With a Power Player?
I wish I had a magic fix. I do not. But I have learned a few things that help. This is not about winning their game. It is about refusing to play.
A Neutral Approach That Works
You become as uninteresting as possible. You give short, neutral answers. You do not react emotionally. You do not show that their barbs landed.
If they say, “That report was a bit rushed, wasn’t it?” you say, “I appreciate the feedback, I will review it.” You do not explain. You do not defend. You drain the fun out of the interaction for them. They want a reaction. They want to see you squirm. Deny them that satisfaction.
The Power of a Direct Question
When someone does something petty, ask a direct question in a neutral tone. It puts them on the spot and exposes the behavior without accusation.
- “That’s interesting, why would you say that?”
- “Can you walk me through your reasoning on that?”
- “I noticed you didn’t include me on that email, was there a reason?”
You are not attacking them. You are asking for clarity. Most power players hate this. They operate in the shadows. When you shine a light on their behavior, they retreat.
The Documentation Habit
If the behavior is persistent, start keeping a log. Date, time, what happened, who was present. Send follow-up emails after meetings. “Hi [Name], just to confirm our discussion about X, I will send the draft by Friday.” This creates a paper trail. It protects you if things escalate. And sometimes, just the act of writing it down makes you feel more in control.
A Mindset That Helped Me Survive
I call this the “boring professional” approach. It is a mindset shift that helped me survive a particularly difficult office. The idea is simple: your superpower is being unshakeably, boringly professional.
Step One: Define Your Deliverables
Write down what you are actually paid to do. Not the emotional labor. Not the mind games. The core tasks. When someone tries to pull you into drama, ask yourself, “Does this affect my deliverables?” If the answer is no, ignore it.
Step Two: Set Your Boundaries
Decide what you will and will not tolerate. Will you attend meetings where you are belittled? Maybe you need to. But will you stay silent when someone takes credit for your work? No. You will say, “Thanks for summarizing my points, I am glad they were clear.”
Step Three: Focus on Your Exit Strategy
If the culture is truly toxic, no framework will fix it. Sometimes the answer is to leave. That is not a failure. That is a boundary.
The goal is not to become a champion of office politics. The goal is to be so boringly good at your job that the games bounce off you. You are not playing their game. You are playing your own.
When Is It Time to Walk Away?
This is a hard question. How do you know if it is just a difficult coworker or a genuinely toxic environment? I look for a few signs.
Is the behavior endorsed from above?
If your boss engages in the petty games, or if they enable the person who does, that is a huge red flag. You cannot outrun a culture that is supported from the top.
Are you constantly second-guessing your reality?
Toxic workplaces like to make people second-guess reality. That is a form of gaslighting. If you are constantly wondering if you are the crazy one, that is not a healthy dynamic.
Has your physical or mental health declined?
You should not dread going to work every day. Yes, everyone has bad days. But if the anxiety starts on Sunday evening and lasts until Friday, that is a signal. Your body is telling you something. Listen to it.
Leaving is not giving up. It is recognizing that your energy is better spent elsewhere. Do not stay in places that disturb your peace.
Why Do People Think They Are the Good Guys?
This is the part I find most fascinating. Rarely does anyone think they are the villain. The person who withholds information thinks they are being “strategic.” The person who nitpicks thinks they are maintaining “high standards.” The person who gossips thinks they are “warning others.”
We all want to believe we are the good guys. The problem is when we twist our behavior to fit that narrative. It comes down to a lack of self-awareness. These people have never been challenged on their behavior. No one has said, “Hey, when you do that, it hurts.” So they continue, believing they are justified.
Can we change them? Probably not. You cannot force someone to look inward. But you can change how you respond. You can refuse to be a prop in their drama.
FAQ
Q: Why do people play power games at work instead of just communicating clearly?
A: For many, it is about control. Clear communication requires vulnerability. It means saying, “I feel threatened” or “I need help.” Playing games is a mask for those fears. It is easier to be passive-aggressive than to be honest.
Q: How do I handle a coworker who plays power games without seeming like a problem myself?
A: The person who calls it out is often seen as the problem. That is a real dynamic. So you do not call it out loudly. You document, you stay professional, and you redirect conversations to the work. You build allies through your reliability, not through gossip.
Q: What makes people play power games on a team that seems otherwise healthy?
A: Sometimes it is one individual who brings their baggage from a previous job. Other times, a team is fine until a new leader arrives and introduces a competitive dynamic. It can also be a response to a perceived threat, like a new hire who is very capable.
Q: Is it ever worth confronting the person directly about their behavior?
A: It depends on the person. If they have even a small amount of self-awareness, a private conversation might help. Say, “I noticed you seem frustrated with my work, I would like to understand how we can work better together.” If they are deeply insecure, they will likely deny it or deflect. Then you go back to the documentation strategy.
Q: How do I rebuild my confidence after being targeted by workplace power games?
A: Start by reminding yourself that the behavior is about them, not you. Focus on your work and your strengths. Seek out colleagues who appreciate you. If the environment is persistently damaging, consider whether it is time to leave. Your confidence will recover faster in a healthier setting.
One Last Thing
I still think about that manager who ignored the new hire. I do not know what was going on in his life. Maybe he was scared of losing his influence. Maybe he was just tired. Maybe he was repeating a pattern he learned from his own first boss.
I do know this. His behavior did not make him look powerful. It made him look small. And the new hire? She did not crumble. She took notes, she made eye contact with other people in the room, and she presented her work flawlessly. She refused to play his game.
You can do that too. You do not have to understand the psychology of every insecure colleague. You just have to protect your own peace. And if you cannot do that in your current job, it is okay to find a place where you can. You are not giving up. You are choosing yourself.
References
- Sutton, R. I. (2007). The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t. Business Plus.
- Lencioni, P. (2002). The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable. Jossey-Bass.
- Harvard Business Review. (2019). How to handle office politics without losing your integrity. Retrieved from hbr.org.
