I firmly believe that one of the main roles of a parent is to raise children who are decent members of society. Here are some things we do with our almost-four-year-old to make sure she is a good member of society in the future.
1. Teach Playground Etiquette and Awareness of Others
She is expected to play properly at playgrounds. That means no going backwards up the slide, no sitting in the middle of the stairway where people are trying to get past, and no hogging the swings for 45 minutes while others are waiting. It’s about understanding that other kids are there to play too—it’s not all about what she wants to do. Obviously, if the park is nearly empty, she can be silly and play however she wants as long as she’s safe. But when the park is busy, and a kid is going up the slide while others are waiting to go down, that sends a signal that whatever they want is more important than everyone else.
Most social interactions start at places like parks, so instilling this awareness early is essential.
2. Require Full Sentences with Kind Words
We’ve been doing this since she was around three, and it has really worked. She has to ask for things in full sentences with kind words. For example, if she’s thirsty, instead of just saying “Mommy, I’m thirsty” and expecting me to figure out the solution, we respond with “Okay honey, what would you like me to do about that?” Now she’s learned to say, “Mommy, I’d like my water bottle please.” This helps her practice problem-solving, naming what she needs, and using good manners automatically. We constantly get compliments on her manners because she almost always says please and thank you without reminders.
3. Model Gracious Guest and Host Behavior
We practice being gracious guests and hosts, and speaking up for ourselves. When we’re guests, we say thanks for letting us play with toys, thank the host when we leave, and help put away toys. At birthday parties, she needs to greet the birthday child and say, “Happy birthday, I’m so excited to be here!”—not just run straight to the toys.
When we host, she greets visitors, says thank you when they leave, and lets guests have priority with toys since she can play with them anytime. This teaches her that the same consideration she expects from others, she must also give.
4. Encourage Self-Advocacy in Age-Appropriate Ways
She needs to speak up for herself in situations where it doesn’t impede others. At a restaurant, she orders her own food—even if it’s just a drink. “I’d like a water, please.” This has built so much confidence in her, and she genuinely enjoys doing it. She’s learning to interact with other adults, express her needs, and feel capable in social settings.
5. Respect Others and Remove Themselves When Needed
We never expect others to be at the mercy of our child’s behavior or mood. If she’s having a hard day and affecting others’ experience—like repeated tantrums or dysregulation in public—we go home. We don’t subject people to that just because we want to stay out. While some may consider this a “hot take,” the principle is simple: it’s important to raise children who are aware of their surroundings and understand that their struggles don’t give them the right to negatively impact everyone around them.
Raising decent humans starts with small, consistent lessons: share space, use kind words, respect others’ homes, speak for yourself, and know when to step away. None of these require perfection—just practice, patience, and clear expectations.
