Five things I’m doing as a parent now that I wish would have been done for me.
How to Help Children Feel Their Feelings Without Shame
In this household, if I see that she is sad and she’s trying to hold back tears and stop herself from crying, I say, “Remember to feel.” She’ll start crying, and I’ll make sure that I’m available to sit with her if she wants me to, and I’ll just say, “You’re doing such a good job feeling.” We talk about how sadness has to move through us because if we hold it in, it doesn’t have anywhere to go, and it just stays in our body.
She even tells me now, “Mama, remember to feel your feelings” if she can see that I’m sad. I grew up watching everybody around me not feeling their feelings, keeping everything in, and not talking about anything. So I’ve worked really hard to make sure that that ends with me.
Why Body Neutrality Matters in Parenting
I grew up watching everybody else in my family being skinnier than I was and hating their bodies. Therefore, I didn’t think I could like my body because everybody else hated theirs. But with my daughter, absolutely not.
She will look at my stretch marks and just say, “Oh my gosh, that one’s glowing in the sun. That one’s purple. I love that your body is growing with you, Mama. That’s so cool.”
We use anatomically correct terms and talk about our bodies in a very neutral way. So she gets to see me accept my body through every stage of life, knowing that she can do the same with hers as well.
Encouraging Creativity by Letting the Whole House Be a Canvas
You wanna draw on the wall? Go get a marker. You wanna paint that door? Let me get you some paint. Our entire house is like scribbles from when she was one and now full on words that she’s writing at 3 years old.
Not only is it free wallpaper, but it just warms my heart, just looking around my house and seeing all the memories.
Teaching the Importance of Rest and Listening to Your Body
A lot of the women in my life growing up were productive and always on the go, and never really, truly rested. So we make sure to talk about listening to our bodies, and if our bodies need rest, communicating that.
My husband or myself will just say, “Hey, my body is feeling kind of tired right now. I need to go lay down.” Or we’ll tell our daughter, “Hey, I really wanna play with you, but right now, my body just needs to relax.”
The other night, she said to me, “I’ll eat dinner when I’m ready. Right now, my body just needs to relax.” And I was like, “Good job listening to your body. I get it.”
Choosing Connection Over Correction When Emotions Run High
No time outs, no going to your room if you’re having big emotions. None of that. She feels everything very deeply. She’s frustrated. She’s real frustrated. When she’s mad, watch out. She’s a real mad.
But we want her to know that we are there for her no matter what she’s feeling, and we’re there to help her through that, to teach her how to work through those emotions.
There are times when I’m like, “Okay, Mama needs to go calm herself down, and then I’ll come back and help you.” Or if she decides to hit for some reason, we’ll take her to a safe area and say, “You can sit here and feel your emotions. I’m right here, but I need to keep my body safe.”
Everything is a conversation, and we do our best to choose connection over correction every time.
