I read a comment that said, “Our biggest downfall as women is that we just want love.” And I have never read anything more true than that.
Men don’t grow up dreaming of love. They don’t grow up dreaming of living a fairy tale and finding the love of their life. But we do. That is why, when we’re younger, we tolerate anything and everything—the bare minimum, shitty behavior, inconsiderate, selfish men—because we just want to be loved so badly.
Why the Desire for Love Becomes a Trap for Women
As most women do, they get older, go through some negative experiences, and learn that men are actually really selfish. And that’s the lesson: as much as I am a lover girl—I can’t help it, I don’t do casual—I’ve never been able to do casual. I am the type that if I’m gonna date you, you’re gonna get my attention and all of my energy is most likely gonna be going to you. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I never wanna change that about myself. I’ve always been that way.
But it’s more about learning how to love yourself enough to be as selfish as men are. The reason men are so selfish is that their desire is not to be loved. That’s not what they wake up thinking about. A lot of us women do have that innately. They’re able to be selfish because they’re not thinking about finding the love of their life every single day. They’re thinking about business, making money, working out, getting their life together.
The Difference Between Men’s and Women’s Priorities
It’s not to say women don’t think about those things too—but we do think about love. We fantasize and romanticize love so much more than they do. We wake up thinking about connection, about being chosen, about building a life with someone. They wake up thinking about what they need to accomplish that day. That fundamental difference shapes everything about how we date, how we invest, and how we lose ourselves.
How to Date as Selfishly as Men to Protect Yourself
Be smart as a woman and try to date as selfishly as they do—just so you can protect yourself and protect your peace. Because if not, you can very easily get lost in a man. Meanwhile, he’s prioritizing himself, his future, and his goals. Too many women prioritize the man, the relationship, and the future they imagine with him—while he prioritizes himself.
We need to do what they’re doing. While dating or while being single, prioritize ourselves. Our future. Our goals. Not because love isn’t valuable—it is. But because love that costs you yourself is not love at all.
