How do you handle people who are intentionally mean when they say something mean?
I want you to envision it as if something has come out of their mouth and just fallen to the floor. And you get to choose to take five to seven seconds of nothing.
The Power of the Pause
You can look down as if you’re not really sure if they’re good with that. You can look down and look back up at them as if, “Is that what you’re proud of saying?”
And if that five to seven seconds passes and they don’t say anything else, that’s where you get to say: “I need you to say that again to me. I need you to repeat that.”
The Question That Changes Everything
If that doesn’t feel comfortable for you, then I’m gonna encourage you to ask a question: “Did you intend for that to sound as mean as it did?”
You’d be surprised about what they say. Maybe they’re gonna double down on it. Maybe they’re gonna go, “Uh, you know what I mean, you always just…” and they’re gonna try and adjust it or capitulate in some way.
If They Double Down
But if they do double down and they go, “Yes, I did want that to hurt you. I did want that to be mean,” you get to take even more time and say: “I thought so. Thank you.”
And you leave it with them. Because what they say, you do not have to receive. You do not have to attend every argument you’re invited to. So you feel free to RSVP no.
The Takeaway
You don’t need to argue with mean people. You don’t need to defend yourself. You don’t need to match their energy. All you need is a pause, a question, and the willingness to let their words fall to the floor instead of picking them up.
