I’m going to teach you how to stop overthinking or ruminating. Take your notes. Pay attention.
Before you say “that doesn’t work,” let me stop you. When you say it doesn’t work, what you’re really saying is: “It doesn’t fully take away my anxiety. I don’t fully feel comfortable.” But the point isn’t to have no anxiety. The point isn’t to never feel tempted to ruminate. The point is to respond to those thoughts differently.
So let’s all be on the same page before we practice.
Step 1: Understand the Difference Between Thought and Thinking
A thought pops in. You cannot control that.
Thinking is what you do with it. It’s the information you generate around it. The “what ifs.” Assigning meaning. Trying to figure it out. Problem-solving. Planning. Preparing. All of that is thinking. And that, you have control over.
Most people try to control the wrong thing. They try to control the thought itself—and they get stuck in a loop.
Step 2: When the Thought Comes, Say This
Thoughts like “What if I get fired?” “What if I’m actually a horrible person and I don’t know it?” “What if my best friend doesn’t like me anymore?” They’re distressing, and you can’t figure them out.
When you have that thought, simply say: “I don’t know the answer to that, and I’m choosing not to figure it out.”
Step 3: Repeat Until It Becomes a Habit
Then you go on living your life. A new thought will pop in two seconds later. You say the same thing. And you keep doing that, over and over, until it becomes a new habit—a habit of choosing not to overthink.
I know what you’re thinking: “Medina, it’s not that easy.” I don’t think it’s easy. But the concept is simple. Working out isn’t easy either, but we all know it’s good for us. People who are consistent with working out don’t go because it’s easy. They go because they logically know they can control it. Same goes for overthinking.
It’s not easy. But it is possible.
