I’ve created what I call the rule of eight. If your partner does not meet these eight basic things, you should probably run in the other direction.
1. Consistency
If someone is hot or cold with me, I’m out. Confusion is not chemistry. If you have to constantly ask yourself how someone feels about you, that’s your answer. Consistency builds safety; inconsistency builds anxiety.
2. Communication
I’m not talking about texting every second of the day. I’m talking about communication that actually builds trust. You should not feel anxious every time their name pops up on your phone because you’re questioning which version of them you’re going to get. Reliable communication is the foundation of trust.
3. Words Must Match Actions
You cannot tell someone you care about them while treating them like an option. If you consistently leave them on delivered, they will deliver themselves to someone else. Potential means nothing without behavior to match it.
4. Curiosity
Show that you want to learn about every aspect of your partner—not just the version you benefit from the most. Ask questions. Stay curious. A relationship without curiosity is a relationship that’s already stopped growing.
5. Emotional Safety
You should be able to come to your partner and tell them if you’re hurting—big or small—without the worry that they will convince you that you’re too sensitive or overdramatic. Comfort should not feel rare in a relationship; it should be the baseline.
6. Conflict Resolution
No disappearing acts. Adults talk about their feelings. We don’t punish each other by using silence and avoidance. How you fight matters as much as how you love—and healthy conflict resolution is a skill, not a luxury.
7. Boundaries
If your boundaries are continuously ignored, leave. Not threaten to leave—actually leave. Boundaries only work if there are consequences attached to crossing them. The right person will not make you feel guilty for setting a boundary and standing firm on it.
8. Consideration
The highest form of love is consideration. If someone cannot consider you in basic, everyday life scenarios, there’s probably no longevity here. Love is not just grand gestures—it’s being thought of in the small, ordinary moments.
If your partner cannot do these eight things, it might be time to reconsider your relationship.
