Divorcing a narcissist is unlike any other divorce. Here are five things to expect—not because they always do them, but because they are so common, you should anticipate them.
1. They Will Drag Out the Proceedings
When it comes to selling the house and splitting assets, they don’t care about getting a good deal. They care about using those proceedings to maintain control over you for as long as possible. They won’t agree to anything—no matter how good the deal is—because the process itself is their tool for staying connected to you.
2. Their Accusations Are Confessions
Whatever they accuse you of doing, they are doing, are going to do, or are seriously thinking about doing to you. This is projection—their accusations are confessions. If they say you’re untrustworthy, manipulative, or selfish, pay attention. They’re telling you exactly who they are.
3. They Will Push for 50/50 Custody (But Not for the Kids)
If you have kids, they will push for equal custody—not because they’ve ever been involved with the kids, not because they care about them, but because they care about how they look and don’t want to pay child support. In the small amount of time they do spend with the kids, they will take plenty of selfies and post about it on social media, trying to look like parent of the year.
4. They Will Wage a Massive Smear Campaign
They will do their absolute best to turn your friends against you, your family against you, the court system against you, the neighbours against you—whoever will listen. They’ll try to make you look crazy. They may do this overtly, or if they’re a more sophisticated manipulator, they’ll do it subtly, covertly, and insidiously—often under the guise of being “worried about you” or “just wanting what’s best for you and the kids.”
5. They Will Use the New Partner as a Prop
They will parade around with their new supply as evidence that you were the problem. “Look how happy they are now. Look how well this new person treats them. You were the toxic one.” This feeds into their victim narrative—that you were the problem all along, and they were long-suffering. They want you to believe it too.
What to Keep in Mind
None of this is about you—it’s about their need for control, supply, and validation. The best thing you can do is stay grounded, work with professionals who understand narcissistic abuse, and focus on protecting your peace and your children. You don’t have to play their game. You just have to get through it and out the other side.
