One of the most valuable lessons I ever learned was the difference between subjective and objective information—and how to respond to both. This distinction matters because how we process and respond to information determines the quality of our communication and our relationships.
What Is the Difference Between Subjective and Objective?
Objective information is fact-based, measurable, and verifiable. It exists independently of personal feelings or opinions. For example: “The temperature outside is 72 degrees.” That can be verified. It’s true regardless of how anyone feels about it.
Subjective information is personal. It’s based on individual opinions, experiences, and feelings. For example: “I love cooking and cleaning.” That’s true for me, but it’s not a universal truth. It reflects my personal preference, not an objective reality.
The problem arises when people respond subjectively to statements that were never about them in the first place.
Why People Take Things Personally When They Don’t Need To
If someone says, “Women don’t like to cook and clean,” you have two ways to respond. You can take it personally and get offended—because you are a woman. But that’s a subjective response to a statement that wasn’t directed at you. The statement is a general claim, not a direct attack.
A better response is objective: “Actually, I love to cook and clean.” That’s factual. Or you can say, “Statistically, some women don’t like to cook and clean—and that’s a valid observation.”
The point is: if you’re not the direct subject of something, you can take the information as a whole and respond objectively rather than personally. This is how you avoid unnecessary conflict and maintain control of your emotional state.
Why General Statements Aren’t Attacks
When someone says something in general terms, they’re not talking about every single person. That’s the problem with absolute thinking—people who think in terms of “all” or “everyone” often miss the nuance and complexity of real life.
Not all black people are ghetto. Not all white people are racist. Not all men are controlling. Not all women are emotional. These are stereotypes, not truths. They collapse the complexity of individuals into reductive labels.
How to Respond Without Taking Everything Personally
When you feel defensive, ask yourself: “Am I the subject of this statement? Is it about me specifically?” If the answer is no, you don’t have to take it as a personal attack. You can hear the comment, assess it objectively, and decide how to respond without letting your emotions take over. This is not about suppressing how you feel—it’s about choosing your response rather than reacting out of habit.
Why This Skill Makes You a Better Communicator
If you don’t understand the difference between subjective and objective information, it’s worth diving into. It makes you a better communicator and a better thinker. It helps you engage with ideas and opinions more constructively, without getting derailed by emotional triggers. It also makes you more intellectually honest because you’re not constantly interpreting every comment as a slight.
The Bean Soup Theory
There’s a phenomenon that illustrates this perfectly: the bean soup theory. A woman posted a recipe for bean soup, and people commented, “I don’t like beans.” That’s the point—it wasn’t about you. It was for the people who do enjoy bean soup. If it doesn’t apply to you, let it fly. You don’t have to insert yourself into every statement or make every conversation about your preferences.
A Quick Test: Are You the Subject?
Next time you feel offended by a general statement, pause and ask:
- Is this about me specifically, or is it a general observation?
- Am I the subject of this statement, or am I adding myself to it unnecessarily?
- Can I respond objectively rather than react personally?
Chances are, you’re not the subject—and you don’t need to be. This simple habit will make your communication clearer, your boundaries stronger, and your life a lot calmer.
