Inner child work can be very difficult to do emotionally, and this will vary in intensity depending on our past.
I do think this is something that should be fully explored in a therapeutic space. However, I think empowering people to understand and chip away at this work in accessible ways is also important.
A main component around this is self‑compassion. There are technical aspects to it, but the first steps are treating the younger, vulnerable parts of ourselves with compassion, rather than judgement or harshness.
This isn’t a replacement for therapy, but something I hope fosters a bit of understanding and insight into what this all looks like.
The Core Idea: Inner Child Work as Emotional Self‑Soothing
I am a psychologist, and this is how you can begin healing your inner child, even outside of therapy.
The previous video addressed Justin Bieber at Coachella and how aspects of his performance served as powerful representations of inner child work and corrective emotional experiences.
Inner child work may appear differently depending on the therapeutic approach. For those unfamiliar with the concept, it is essentially a form of emotional self‑soothing that can lead to new perspectives, new feelings, and even shifts in how our nervous system responds.
While not everyone has a stage at Coachella, the following are several ways to initiate this work independently or within a therapeutic setting.
How to Start: Recognising the Signal
When you next experience an intense emotion, particularly one that seems disproportionate to the current situation, ask yourself: Is this a familiar feeling, and where have I felt this before?
If a memory or feeling arises—for example, a recollection of parents yelling at each other at home—picture the younger version of yourself who felt scared, unprotected, or alone. Then ask yourself: What did I need at that time that I never received?
The Corrective Response: Giving Yourself What You Missed
If you could go back now as your adult self, what would you do for that child?
This might take the form of: “I would sit on the edge of his bed and tell him that I know how scary it is here sometimes, but I am here now and I will not let anything happen to you.”
Another commonly resonant question is: Where would you take them to help them feel safe? For instance: “I would take you to Grandpa’s house. Remember how peaceful it was down by the lake, and how he always knew what to say, and how you always felt so safe there with him?”
The Heart of the Work
This work is really about recognising the things we needed but did not get, and learning how to give those to ourselves now.
There is something profoundly empowering in knowing that you can meet your own needs, create your own safety, and consistently show up for every younger version of yourself.
We also seek this in relationships and with other people, but it truly starts with us.
