Last Tuesday I reached for my good scissors and found them gone. Again. I stood in the kitchen, hand hovering over an empty drawer, and felt that familiar heat rise in my chest. My teenager had borrowed them three days ago. I had asked her, twice, to please check with me first. She never did. When I finally found them under a pile of hoodies in her room, I asked where they had been. She looked up from her phone and said, “Why do you even need them?” I just stood there. That is the moment I realized I had a real problem on my hands.
If you are searching for how to deal with disrespectful teen behavior, you already know this feeling. It is not one big blowup. It is a hundred small moments that wear you down.
Quick Things You Can Do Today
- Pick one item she keeps taking and put it somewhere she cannot reach.
- Say your new rule out loud, once, without a lecture.
- Decide what you will quietly stop doing for her this week.
- Stop answering calls where she refuses to speak.
- Write down one thing she does right. Yes, really.
Why Does My Teen Act Like She’s Entitled to Everything?
Here is the honest answer I have landed on after months of this. She is not a bad kid. She is testing where the walls are. And for a long time, I had not built any.
Think about it. When she uses all of my things without asking, and I grumble but hand them over anyway, what did she learn? That my “please ask first” is just background noise. When she calls me on FaceTime and sits there in silence, taking screenshots to turn me into stickers, and I stay on the line, she learns my time is free. When she spams my phone because I hung up, and I pick up again, she learns that persistence wins.
That is not a character flaw. That is a kid who has been running a small experiment and getting consistent results.
A mom of two teenage girls once said something that stuck with me. She’s not your friend. You’re her parent. Some seasons, she will not like you. That is allowed.
Does that sting? Yes. Does it also sound true? Also yes.
How Do I Set Boundaries With a Disrespectful Teen Without a Huge Fight?
You start small. You pick your hill. And you stop explaining yourself ten times.
Here is what I actually said, standing in her doorway, holding my scissors.
“These are mine. From now on, if you want to use them, you ask. If you take them without asking, they go in my locked drawer for a week.”
She rolled her eyes. She said, “That’s so dramatic.”
I said, “Okay.” And I walked out.
That was it. No speech. No raised voice. No list of every other thing she had ever done wrong, which, believe me, I wanted to recite.
The first time she took something after that, I did not argue. I did not ask where it was. I went into her room, took the item, and put it in the drawer. When she asked why I needed it, I did not answer the question. I said, “The rule is ask first.” Then I left.
Why does this work better than yelling? Because an argument is a conversation. A consequence is not. She cannot debate a locked drawer.
One more thing I learned the hard way. Do not take away something you are not truly willing to lose for two weeks. If you threaten to cancel her acting class and then cave on day three, you have just taught her that your no means maybe.
A Simple Two-List Exercise That Changed Our House
I made this up out of pure exhaustion one Sunday night. I call it the Two-List Tool. It is not fancy. It takes twenty minutes.
On a piece of paper, you make two columns.
List One: What I Owe Her
- Food, shelter, safety
- School supplies
- Basic clothes that fit
- Rides to school
- Respect as a person
List Two: What She Earns
- Phone and data
- Rides to acting class, three hours round trip
- Money for extras
- Wi-Fi password
- Time with friends on weekends
Then you show her both lists. Calmly. And you say one sentence.
“Everything on the second list comes from how you treat people in this house.”
That is the whole tool. She will be furious. She will say it is unfair. Let her. The lists do not move.
| Behavior | What Happens |
|---|---|
| Takes my things without asking | Item goes in the locked drawer |
| Calls and won’t speak | I hang up after one minute |
| Spam calls after I hang up | Phone goes on the kitchen counter for the night |
| Demands purchases | Answer is no, with no explanation |
| Speaks rudely | That week’s earned privileges shrink |
Is this harsh? A little. Is it honest? Completely. Most of us have been running a hotel, not a home.
What About the Weird Stuff, Like Silent Calls and Sticker Screenshots?
I almost ignored this part. It felt too small to make a fuss over. Then I realized the silent calls were not small at all. She wanted my attention on her terms, with no effort from her. And I kept showing up.
So I said one thing, once. “If you call me and don’t talk, I’ll say goodbye and hang up. That’s not a punishment. That’s just how phone calls work.”
She tested it. I hung up. She called back many times. I did not answer.
The next morning she was cold to me at breakfast. I poured her cereal anyway. I said, “Morning.” That was it.
Here is the part nobody tells you. The cold shoulder is not a sign you failed. It is a sign the old deal is over. Teenagers grieve the old deal. It takes a few weeks.
The FaceTime thing with her dad, where she turns the camera on me and just stands there? I stopped playing. He calls my phone now, not hers. Problem gone. Sometimes the fix is not discipline at all. It is just changing the setup.
How Long Until This Actually Gets Better?
This is the question I whispered to myself at 11 PM more than once. Honest answer from my house: about six weeks to see real change, and a few rough patches after that.
It was not a straight line. She had a great week, then took my charger and hid it out of spite. I put the charger in the drawer and said nothing. The next day she asked to borrow it. She asked.
That one word, asked, felt like a small miracle.
I once heard someone say that discipline is love, and it took him a long time to see it. I used to think that sounded cold. Now I think it just means this: letting her face a consequence now is kinder than letting the world teach her later, with no affection attached.
If you are the parent who worries she will push you away, I want you to hear this from someone who worried the same thing. She pulled back for a while. She still does sometimes. But she also started sitting on the couch near me again. She asked me to braid her hair last Sunday. That would not have happened if I had kept letting everything slide.
FAQ
Q: Is it normal for a disrespectful teen to take my things without asking?
A: It is very common during the teen years. It often means they see shared stuff as fair game. The fix is not a lecture. It is one clear rule and one consistent consequence.
Q: Should I ignore disrespectful teen behavior to keep the peace?
A: Some parents try this, and I did too for months. The peace is fake. It usually grows into bigger problems, because your teen learns the behavior works. You can pick your battles, but you cannot skip all of them.
Q: How do I deal with a disrespectful teen who won’t talk to me on calls?
A: Set one rule and hold it. If she calls and stays silent, say goodbye and hang up. Do not chase. Do not text her ten times. Let the silence be hers to fix.
Q: What if my teen says I’m a horrible parent when I set rules?
A: Expect it. Many teens say this during the adjustment period. It is not a verdict on your parenting. It is a reaction to losing the old arrangement.
Q: Does taking away privileges actually work for disrespectful teen behavior?
A: It works if you are consistent and if the privilege matters to her. Phone, rides, and money for extras are the three that move the needle most in most homes.
One Last Thing
The scissors are still in my drawer. She asked for them yesterday, and I handed them over. She said thanks. Small, quiet, easy to miss. I did not miss it.
Did this article help you see things differently? Our books turn helpful ideas into practical tools you can return to anytime.
Break the Anxiety Circle
$19.90
From Debt to Wealth
$19.90
