Somebody asked me: how do you feel anger properly, all the way through?
Normally when you get angry, you see from a very tunnel-vision perspective. Your emotions are heightened, your mind is racing. And what I’ve spoken about before is that your body can become addicted to feeling certain emotions. The way emotions come to be is through thoughts. So your body will bring more thoughts to feel more emotion, and those thoughts trigger more emotion. It’s a cycle.
Why Your Body Gets Addicted to Anger
Your body can become addicted to anger—it really can. That’s why people like to start fights. That’s why people like to create drama. That’s why some people are overly confrontational. They’re not necessarily bad people; their bodies have just learned to crave the rush of high-intensity emotion.
When you’re angry, you cancel out all other realities. Reality is everywhere—there’s an infinite amount of possibilities, perspectives, and ways of seeing things. But when you’re angry, there’s only one. You become completely locked into that single perspective. And the actions you take in that state—the words you say, the decisions you make—they have consequences across every area of your life.
Here’s the catch: you’re only consciously aware of the reality you’re in. But your actions don’t just stay in that one reality. They affect your relationships, your reputation, how people see you, and how you see yourself. You run relationships, you damage trust, you say things you regret—all because you acted from a place of tunnel vision.
How to Express Anger in a Healthy Way
So if you want to express your anger in a healthy way, here’s what you need to do.
First, realize that you’re angry. You don’t have to overanalyze it. You don’t have to figure out exactly why you’re angry, or who’s to blame, or what triggered it. Just notice it. That’s step one. Name it without judgment.
Next, notice where it is in your body. Is it in your chest? Your jaw? Your stomach? Feel the physical sensation of the anger. Don’t try to push it away—just locate it.
Then, breathe through it. I know that sounds simple. Maybe even too simple. But you have to breathe through the emotion. Keep breathing. Keep focusing only on your body. Because if you let the thoughts consume you, those thoughts will bring more emotions, which will keep you locked in the anger cycle.
The Real Key: Remove the Stimulus
If something is triggering you—someone arguing with you, something you’re watching, a situation you’re in—it has to stop. It has to. Because being triggered while trying to calm down is like putting food in front of a starving dog and expecting it not to eat. It’s not going to work.
Remove the stimulus. Remove yourself from it. Stop consuming it. Whatever it is, step away.
Once you’re out of the triggering environment, go back to your breath. Focus on the actual feeling in your body. The physical sensation. And let it subside. It will.
It really is that simple. Will it come back? Maybe. And when it does, you do the same thing again. And again. And again.
Reprogramming Your Body’s Default
If you do this consistently, it will become your body’s new natural pattern. Right now, your body’s natural pattern is to keep you in highly charged emotions—because that’s what you’ve been feeding it. That’s why your mind and body seem like they’re working against you. They’re not. They’re just used to the diet you’ve been giving them.
But if you start giving your body neutrality and calmness, your body will start craving that instead. So when triggers inevitably come, you might still feel something—but your body will say, “I want to go back to calm.” That’s the shift.
It’s really about replacing the overthinking, the spiraling, the reactivity—with calmness. That’s it. That’s the work.
