I went to a day party by myself to work on my social skills. This is for my introverted, socially anxious girls who want to work on their social skills—but maybe you’re a little too scared to do it. I did it for you. Keep in mind that this was less of a party and more of a social event where people were willing to talk. So it wasn’t as scary as it sounds.
Here’s what I learned.
1. It Takes Vulnerability and Courage to Introduce Yourself
The first thing I learned is that it takes vulnerability and courage to walk up to a person or a group of people and introduce yourself. That is necessary on your journey of building your social skills.
Some people are going to be very accepting and warm when you do this. And some people are going to look at you like you have three heads. That’s just part of the process. You have to understand that every time you put yourself out there for connection, there is a chance you’re going to get rejected. You have to be able to have a tolerance for rejection as you look to connect and expand your circle. You have to be able to get knocked down, get up, and continue going.
2. You Have to Master the Art of the Follow-Up Question
As someone is talking, you have to actively listen and see where you can take the conversation. That requires your brain to be going and to be thinking quickly on your feet. This is why this skill has to be practiced. If you’re not practicing it, your brain will move slowly. You won’t know where to bring the conversation next, and the conversation will die out.
Conversations are like a tennis match—it happens very quickly. You’re going back and forth rapidly. So you have to be able to think on your feet and master this art in order to have a really great conversation. Always keep in mind that whenever people are talking, they’re usually leaving something out that they want to continue talking more about. Pick up on that, and that’s how you get to your follow-up question.
3. Know When to Exit the Conversation
We’ve all been in a conversation with someone who doesn’t know when to leave. You don’t want to be that person. When the conversation is dying down, it’s time for you to go. Say something like, “I have to go get a drink,” “I need to use the bathroom,” or “I’m going to take a walk around the room.” Whatever you have to say to naturally leave the conversation—that’s going to make the person want to keep in touch with you and have some curiosity about you, instead of overstaying your welcome.
