If I have no desire to fix the friendship, then I do not need to have the conversation.
I saw someone post the opposite—she said if someone never has the conversation with you, they were always your enemy to begin with. While I know where she’s coming from, I respectfully disagree.
Why You Don’t Always Need to Explain
In my opinion, if someone has shown me through their actions that they are not someone I want to be associated with, I am not obligated to give them a conversation explaining why I’m no longer close with them. I can see for myself through someone’s actions whether I want to be their friend anymore. Actions speak louder than words—and sometimes they speak clearly enough that a conversation becomes unnecessary.
When It’s Worth Communicating
If they come to me and say, “Hey, you’ve been really distant lately, did I do something wrong?” then I’m happy to explain. But most of the time, with these people, they never come to you in the first place. Because they never respected you enough to want to nurture that friendship.
The Bottom Line
If my conclusion is, “I don’t want to be friends with that person,” I don’t need to give them a conversation or explanation when the end result is still the same—we’re not going to be friends anymore. The outcome doesn’t change just because you had a conversation about it. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to quietly move on without reopening the door.
