Have you ever been in a group setting where someone says something belittling to you? It’s almost like they’re bullying you privately, but in public—saying something meant to make you feel bad. I have the perfect thing you need to say to someone like that that will stop them in their tracks.
The Question That Changes Everything
If someone says something rude to you, just say: “What do you mean by that? Can you elaborate? What’s your point? What would you like me to do?”
Always answer like that. Let me give you an example.
A few years ago, I was hanging out with a group of friends, and one of them said, “I don’t know why you get all that Botox and filler.” I had just gotten my lips done—something I had wanted to do for years. I heard that comment, and my first instinct was to just brush it off. But I knew I would have laid awake in bed later, thinking about how mean that comment really was.
So instead of holding that insecurity inside me, I said, “What do you mean by that?” She said, “I just thought you looked good without it.” That’s when you ask again: “What do you mean by that?” She had to explain herself further.
What Happens When You Ask
When you ask “What do you mean by that?” one of two things happens:
1. They backpedal. They realize they’ve been caught and try to soften it. “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.” Good. You’ve just made them explain themselves.
2. They double down. They fully reveal their mean intent. “I don’t think you look good right now.” At that point, you say: “What would you like me to do about that?”
When they have to explain their meanness out loud, they look like the problem—not you. And the people around you will start to notice too.
Why This Works
Usually, people who make comments like that never get challenged. They say something rude, and everyone pretends they didn’t hear it. But when you ask them to explain themselves, you force their ugly comment into the light. They either have to apologize or reveal exactly who they are.
It’s the art of challenging someone. I’ve been doing this for years, and I no longer lay awake at night worrying about comments like that. Save it for the next time someone tries to bring you down in front of others.
