If you’re a people pleaser or telling a person no makes you feel guilty, this is for you.
You need to accept the fact that they will be disappointed. So let them be disappointed. People will forever walk over you because you keep giving them permission to.
Why You Keep Saying Yes
You think you have a kindness problem, but you don’t. You have a fear problem. You’re scared they’ll be upset, scared they’ll stop liking you, scared they’ll look at you differently. So of course you’re going to keep saying yes—while your entire body, your heart, and your mind are screaming no.
People learn how to treat you by what you’ve repeatedly allowed. If you teach them you’re a pushover, they’re going to treat you like a pushover.
How to Stop
First, stop answering immediately. If a person asks you for something, you don’t have to say yes right away. Literally tell them, “Let me think about it.” That will give your brain time to actually think instead of panicking and just agreeing. So you can stop shrinking yourself and stop regretting not speaking up.
Second, stop over-explaining. “No” is a complete answer. You do not need to defend every single boundary you set. It is your boundary for a reason.
Third, accept the fact that they will be disappointed. Seriously, someone being upset does not mean you did something wrong. It just means they’re no longer getting unlimited access to you. And that’s okay.
What to Expect
The first few times you say no, you will feel guilty, but say it anyway. Your confidence will come after the boundary—it is never before it. Because every time you betray yourself to keep someone else comfortable, you teach them that they come first and your comfort comes last.
Stop being a pushover. You are allowed to say no.
