You want to know how you can detect a very toxic person? I don’t like using the word “toxic” loosely—we’ve diluted it and misused it. But there is one specific behavior that a toxic person typically falls into: a person who is consistently, repeatedly trying to protect their self-image rather than the relationships they have.
The Core Pattern
These people usually deflect responsibility. They don’t ever get curious about understanding the people around them. They will do everything in their power to make others feel like they’re the problem.
A very big sign is that they don’t repair after conflict. They just continuously try to minimize the other person’s perspective and outlook, just so they can protect their image and their ego. Many narcissistic people fall into this category.
They Expect Empathy But Give None
Here’s the ironic thing: these types of people expect empathy from everybody around them, but they give none. When you confront a person who falls into this behavior, they have a very strong tendency to deflect. Whenever you try to express your side, express how you’re hurt, they’ll say things like:
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You’re taking things out of proportion.”
Why They Do This
It’s not really about empathy. It’s that these people have created such a fragile self-image that anything that questions it or challenges it triggers them. They shift into narcissism and deflection because their self-image is so fragile that they have to do everything in their power to protect it.
A person who is unable to step out of their own frame and truly imagine what it feels like to be in the position of another person—that’s the hallmark of toxicity.
