I Quit Being Helpful A Codependent’s Journey to Self-Liberation

I quit being helpful. I said this in therapy a few weeks ago, and it was just such a relief. I was like, I quit. I’m done. I’m done being helpful.

I’ve been helpful my whole life. I’ve been the helpful one. I’ve been the supportive one. I’ve been the tuned one. I’ve been the caretaker. That’s been the thing.

The career that mirrored the pattern.

It took me into a career where I just felt like, what am I doing sitting here being a supporting character for people—like I’ve done my whole life—when I know there is a whole universe inside of me that is dying to be expressed?

I’m not saying being a therapist is bad if that’s what feels genuine to you. But the inner child in me, the higher self in me—all of these different parts were like, no, it’s your time. It’s not sit there and support someone else’s time. We’re done. We’re done.

The conditioning behind it.

That goes against literally all of my conditioning. Not only was I the codependent emotional shock absorber for my mother, I also was the parentified surrogate parent for my little brother once he was born when I was eight.

So I really—all of my juice and my creativity, my desires and dreams—got smashed down in that process. And I became a full time supporting role in other people’s lives. That’s how I survived.

And the real me—the me who wants to stand in her power, who wants to speak and create and be silly and be free—has been like a person in a cage, saying, “Let me out. Let me out.”

And therapy was another way for me to put myself back in the cage.

People are like, “Therapy, that’s such a noble thing.” Okay, well, I’m not here to be noble. I’m not here to be a martyr. And that’s the lie that our codependency tells us: that we are here to serve. This is a life of servitude.

The spiritual perspective.

My spirituality is so helpful in all of this. Because if I zoom out further—am I sure that that is a life of service if I’m quietly or not quietly resentful of that type of servitude? Is that actually helping humanity? Or would it be more helpful for me to step into my liberation and help people that way?

As far as I can see, with the videos that have resonated with people, me speaking my truth seems to be reaching a lot more people than when I was quietly being a mirror. And that was so ultimately revealing for me.

Trusting yourself and breaking the cycle.

I think the way that life works is we keep repeating cycles until we get the lesson. The universe is like, “Hey, here’s the lesson again.” And then you have to be like, “Okay, I feel you.”

I think that takes a lot of self trust to get to the point where you’re like, okay, I am going to go within. I am going to hear the invisible but clear signs that are coming through my intuition, that are coming in my life. And I’m going to act on them—even if it doesn’t make sense to anybody else. Even if everyone else around me is like, “Well, you got a whole degree, so you should blah blah blah.” Doesn’t matter. It’s about following what you know to be true.

You’ve spent an entire life doing the safe thing, doing the servitude thing, doing the whatever. I just trust life so much at this point. I trust the universe so much at this point. And I know now that I was not put on this earth to quiet myself, to silence myself, to silently suffer and live a life of resignation.

That doesn’t help me. That doesn’t help my clients. That doesn’t help anyone.

The perspective shift.

So we kinda need to zoom up and look from a different perspective. If you’re pouring all your energy into these codependent dynamics—whether it be in your career or in your personal life or wherever it is—is that actually this noble thing? We have to let ourselves be selfish. Because for us, that was never an option. So it’s our time.