I was 34, sitting on the floor of my closet, crying so hard I couldn’t breathe. Not over anything huge. My partner had asked if I was okay after a rough meeting, and suddenly I was five again, absolutely certain I was too much and not enough all at once. That night I typed “how to heal my inner child” into Google. I wanted something I could do quietly, without a therapist in the room. Something that felt safe. That’s when I found two inner child work exercises that changed everything. They didn’t fix me overnight, but they gave me a way back to myself. If you’ve ever felt small, stuck, or just… off, and you can’t explain why, these might help you too.
Quick Inner Child Work Today
If you want to start but don’t know where to begin, try these:
- Write down three people who have ever made you feel completely loved.
- Find 15 uninterrupted minutes in a quiet spot.
- Breathe deeply twice and say “relax” as you exhale.
- Let your imagination build a scene where you, as an infant, hear the words you always needed.
- Commit to just one of these exercises for two days in a row.
Why Does Inner Child Work Feel So Scary at First?
Have you ever tried to picture your younger self and suddenly felt nothing? Or the opposite—a wave of sadness that made you pull back fast? That happens because the child you were learned to protect you by hiding feelings you couldn’t handle then. Now, when we try to reach that part, the nervous system still treats it as dangerous. It’s not that you’re doing it wrong. It’s that your body remembers.
I used to think I was broken because visualizing loving people felt fake. But the exercise I found didn’t ask me to believe anything. It just asked me to imagine. That tiny shift, from believing to pretending, gave me enough distance to feel what was underneath without drowning. So many of us adults walk around carrying a child’s shame and loneliness. We just don’t know it’s there until something small cracks us open.
What Actually Helps: Two Gentle Exercises
When I first tried inner child work, I googled exercises and got lists of journal prompts. Those were fine, but they stayed in my head. What I really needed was a felt experience—something my body could receive. The two exercises I’m about to share aren’t my original ideas. They come from The Self-Esteem Workbook by Dr. Glenn R. Schiraldi, adapted from researchers John Bradshaw and Pam Levin. I tried them because they were structured enough to guide me, and open enough that my own mind could fill in the safety I never had.
Be warned: you might cry. I did. The first time I did the second exercise, I sobbed so hard I had to pause halfway. But I also felt something I hadn’t felt in years: like I was finally holding the little girl who never got held. That crying wasn’t a breakdown. It was a release. And here’s what helped: the instructions told me it was okay to stop if emotions got too intense and try again tomorrow. So I did.
Two Gentle Practices for Inner Child Work
When people ask me for inner child work exercises they can try alone, I always point to these two. Both take about 15 minutes. Both rely on imagination, not memory retrieval. You don’t have to dig up trauma. You just have to let your mind create what you needed back then.
Practice 1: Find and Love the Core Self
Start by grabbing a piece of paper or your notes app. Write down the names of people who ever made you feel warm, safe, accepted, and loved. They can be couples, individuals, friends, colleagues, a teacher who saw you. You might only have one person. That’s enough.
Then find a quiet spot where you won’t be disturbed. Take two very deep breaths, saying the word “relax” on the exhale. Now imagine yourself as an infant, cradled by the loving people you wrote down. If no real person fits, imagine two warm, caring adults—the parents you would have wanted. Let yourself picture them looking at you with pure love.
As you soak in that image, imagine them speaking to you, alternating lines like these:
“We’re so glad you’re here.”
“Welcome to the world.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“All your feelings—joy, sadness, anger—are okay with us.”
“We won’t leave you.”
“Take all the time you need to get your needs met.”
You don’t have to remember specific phrases. The heart of it is simple: you hear words that tell you it’s safe to be you. You let yourself be held. I did this two days in a row before moving on. On the second day, I caught myself smiling. My face muscles actually relaxed.
Practice 2: Embracing Your Lost Inner Child
Once you’ve practiced the first exercise for two days, try this one. It goes deeper. Start by relaxing and breathing for a few minutes, noticing the difference in the air as you inhale and exhale. Then imagine walking down a long flight of stairs, counting down from ten to one. At the bottom, turn left and walk a corridor with doors on both sides. Each door has a colored symbol. At the end, step through a field of light.
You’ll find yourself on a street where you lived before you were seven. Walk to your childhood home. Notice the roof, the door, the color. See a small child come out. That’s you.
How is the child dressed? What color are their shoes? Walk over and tell them you’re from their future. Say, “I know what you’ve been through. Your suffering, your abandonment, your shame. I’m the one person you will never lose.” Ask if they’re willing to go with you. If not, tell them you’ll come back tomorrow. No pressure. If they say yes, take their hand. Feel the warmth of that tiny hand in yours.
As you walk away, you might see your parents on the porch. Wave goodbye. Keep walking until they disappear. Then imagine turning a corner and seeing your closest friends or a higher power waiting, ready to embrace the child with joy. Let the child shrink and be placed in your heart. Promise to meet them for five minutes each day at an exact time. I chose 8:23 p.m., right after my daughter fell asleep. I’ve kept that promise for months.
What If Your Mind Resists the Visualization?
Some people, including me at first, struggle to “see” anything. The images feel blank. That’s normal. If your mind goes blank, just focus on the feeling of the words. Imagine a sense of warmth or safety instead of a clear picture. The exercise works even if you’re just sensing a presence instead of a detailed scene.
Another trick: describe the scene aloud while your eyes are closed. The act of narrating can anchor your imagination. And don’t judge what comes up. If the loving people morph into people you don’t recognize, go with it. Your inner child knows what it needs.
How Often Should You Do These Inner Child Work Exercises?
I recommend doing each exercise for two consecutive days, then repeating the second one weekly or whenever you feel your adult self starting to fracture. The workbook suggests two days in a row to let the experience settle. I still use the second exercise as a reset button. On hard parenting days, when I snap at my kid, I take five minutes and reconnect with the inner child I carry in my heart. That five-minute promise is sacred.
FAQ: Inner Child Work Exercises
Q: What if I feel nothing during the exercises?
A: That’s common, especially at first. Your nervous system may still associate vulnerability with danger. Keep showing up. Even doing the exercise with a blank mind still creates a pattern of turning toward yourself. The feeling often comes after repetition, not before.
Q: Can I do these exercises if I don’t have a good relationship with my parents?
A: Yes. The exercises don’t require your actual parents. In the first exercise, you can imagine a foster parent, a kind stranger, or simply a warm, loving presence. In the second exercise, you wave goodbye to your parents on the porch—you’re not reconciling with them, you’re walking away with your inner child.
Q: How long before I see changes?
A: Some people feel a shift after one session. For others, it takes weeks of consistent practice. The goal isn’t an instant fix—it’s building a relationship with yourself over time. Pay attention to small signs: a moment of self-compassion, less reactivity, a sense of softness.
Q: What if the emotions become too overwhelming?
A: Stop. The exercises are meant to be gentle, not retraumatizing. If you feel flooded, open your eyes, look around the room, feel your feet on the floor. You can always try again tomorrow. You’re building trust with yourself—forcing through pain isn’t the goal.
Q: Do I need to remember specific childhood memories for these to work?
A: No. Neither exercise requires memory recall. They use imagination to create new experiences. Your body doesn’t need the story—it needs the feeling of safety. The exercises create that safety in the present moment.
One Last Thing
The first time I finished the second exercise, I felt raw and hopeful at the same time. I opened my eyes and saw my own hand, the one that had held that little girl. It was shaking. But it was also mine. And that was enough.
References
- Schiraldi, G. R. (2016). The Self-Esteem Workbook (2nd ed.). New Harbinger Publications.
- Bradshaw, J. (1988). Healing the Shame That Binds You. Health Communications.
- Levin, P. (1988). Cycles of Power: A User’s Guide to the Seven Seasons of Life. Health Communications.
