I wish people understood more that if you want someone who is going to love passionately, you have to also understand that every other emotion and feeling they feel will also be passionately.
A person who loves deeply also feels deeply. It’s not a switch that goes on and off. They feel intensely—so they feel love intensely, anger intensely, happiness intensely, sorrow intensely, joy intensely. All of it. That’s how they’re wired.
You Can’t Have the Highs Without the Lows
If you want someone who’s going to love you deeply, passionately, intensely, you have to know that this is true for them. The same depth that allows them to love you with everything they have is the same depth that makes them feel everything else with equal intensity.
You don’t get to choose only the parts you like. You don’t get to ask for passionate love and then be surprised when passionate emotions come with it. You don’t get the warmth of the sun without the intensity of the heat—and the same goes for someone who feels everything fully.
What You’re Asking For
If you want surface level because you can’t handle the intensity, go get surface level. But don’t ask for depth and then complain that it’s too much. That’s not fair to them, and it’s not honest with yourself.
That doesn’t mean there’s no room for self-control. Self-control is important. But the feelings themselves—the raw emotions—they don’t shrink just because you’re uncomfortable with them. Control is about what you do with your emotions, not whether you have them at all.
Before You Ask for Depth, Know What You’re Asking For
So before you ask for someone who loves deeply, understand what you’re asking for. Understand that you’re signing up for all of it. The joy and the sorrow. The passion and the anger. The full spectrum. That’s what depth actually looks like.
And if you can’t handle the full spectrum, that’s okay. But don’t ask someone to turn down their intensity and still expect them to love you with the same fire. A person who feels everything is a person who loves everything. If you can’t hold the whole package, you’re not ready for the kind of love that changes everything.
