Men fall in love through vasopressin, and women fall in love through oxytocin. Vasopressin is the bonding hormone that men feel toward a woman. But the way it is released is through stress. Women fall in love through oxytocin—the love hormone. It’s the same hormone released when you have a child, creating the instinct to nurture, love, and care for them.
This is where my own upbringing comes in. I was brought up Greek, and I was told that you cook, you clean, you do everything for a man. But I found that this led to them having less respect for you—not more appreciation. This is why men love a bitch. There’s a saying I love: the more a woman loves herself, the more a man loves her. And the more a woman loves a man, the more a man loves himself.
Why Over-Giving Backfires in Romantic Relationships
When you give too much to a man, it inflates his ego and he becomes entitled to that treatment. Men need to feel like they have a challenge—they need to be stressed a little bit. By that, I don’t mean playing games or being toxic. You just need to sit back and let them help you solve your issues. Give them a bit of a challenge. Make them a little stressed. That makes them feel like, “This is my thing to take care of.” And that’s what makes them bond with you.
The Nurturing Trap: What Women Do vs. What Men Actually Need
I’m a naturally nurturing person. I love to take care of my past boyfriends—cook, clean, do everything. But it didn’t really get me anywhere. Instinctively, I can give that to my son. I love to cook for him—sometimes I just sit and watch him eat, and it makes me so happy. But in a romantic dynamic, that doesn’t really fulfill much for a man.
As women, we feel like we give our love through nurturing—taking care of someone in that way makes us feel connected. We think that’s going to make them feel loved. But men and women are just so different. What actually works well for us is when they get to be stressed and we just look after ourselves. We get our nails done. We prioritize our own well-being. That’s where the attraction stays alive.
